“Max Kerr” - Saturday 29 June 2024

If my life's dream was to open a tiny venue in an isolated suburb with a small but captive market, only to make the place so infuriating to the locals that they'd rather drive 10 minutes just for a takeaway coffee, this is what I'd open.

The fitout is your run-of-the-mill pseudo-Spanish Mission coke fantasy manifested by a couple of people just not-quite-rich-enough to pitch their trade up in Byron, but with the wardrobe to match. White walls. White linen. White people.

The opening hours make zero sense, but it doesn't matter if you DO manage to remember when they're serving coffee—they change the goalposts on this regularly enough that you just kind of have to turn up and hope for the best.

Some reviews claim it's overpriced. To be fair, it isn't expensive by Sydney standards. Until you get your meal, and realise that about as much effort, love, and expense has gone into the food as at a school canteen.

Once, I paid $25 for a chicken schnitzel sandwich only to learn that the "schnitzel" in question was a couple of grade's below a slightly enlarged chicken McNugget—something heavily processed from the freezer aisle at ALDI I wouldn't serve to my dog. Inedible, lazy, and unforgivable.

One menu for the morning and one menu for lunch (a 90-minute offering—why bother?) with a midday change-over makes arriving between 11:45 and 12:15 a ludicrous affair, with extremely slow service as the kitchen obviously struggle to keep up with the change.

Oh, and there's a third menu for one night of the week—the only night they open. If there's not a private function. But you can't get a coffee then. Go figure.

I could go on. I might. But everything about this place is an absolute circus run by the monkeys. If the owner pulled his socks up (hard, given he's never wearing any) he'd have a decent locals venue. I spend so much of my spare money dining out—I'd love nothing more than to saunter up here and enjoy a dozen oysters and a bottle of wine once or twice a week (not to mention the daily coffee run). I want this place to be the warm, friendly, café/wine bar it could be—this entire peninsular is populated by young families and retirees, all of whom utilise cafés and part with their hard-earned for a little escape here and there.

But for me, I have spent my last dollar at this terrible establishment, and hope it nosedives into the red sooner rather than later so somebody who knows what they're doing can swoop in and turn it into something good.

Hit the road, Jack. Because I am never, ever coming back.

Our response later the next day >>>

In the three years we’ve been opened, we decided to use the reviews both good and bad as a means to make sure we’re always working towards getting better.
Having several other platforms we communicate through we rarely write back to any reviews, but for you Joe, we’re going to make an exception.  Yes, we know who you are.

First off, let’s ask what kind of person hides behind a fake name to post negative reviews of businesses? Most of which are small family run and owned.

So, with that A few points to clear up whilst we have the chance to do so....

1. It was our dream to take a risk and have the courage to open a small cafe and wine bar in the middle of nowhere.
A dream we built from scratch with zero hospitality experience, during lock down with 2 new borns. We love our community - white linens and all.

2. The fit out was designed and built with our own two hands, we didn’t have 100k to spend on an architect so we did the entire fit out ourselves.
We’ve proudly won numerous design awards and will be the featured shortly on national TV for Australia’s largest design show.

3. Our opening hours aren't confusing. We serve coffee everyday until 2pm. It just so happens on the day you turned up and wanted coffee we had a private event (which we shared about on social media)
We are sorry that the joy of people sharing a happy celebration didn't sync with your busy calandar of high stakes coffee missions. Drive to Gymea next time - there are plenty of great options.

4. Now to be fair you were 100% correct about the chicken snitty. We were sampling a new menu item, it didn't work and it's been fixed.
Instead of offering your money back, we've popped it into our tip jar for our 'monkey staff' to enjoy a treat on you.

5. Which brings us to this point... our staff. We hire school, uni students and hospitality trained staff - 95% of which live in Grays Point.
They are the friendliest nicest, most hard working team we could ask for. We are built on this community and are supported by it.

6. Lastly mate, you say you want this place to be a warm friendly place for the locals to support?
This last year we raised $15k for a beautiful local lady battling cancer, we donate to charity events when asked, we host numerous block parties for the community to say thanks to several special community figures, we got behind the soccer club and opened up a hole in wall cafe, our locals love Friday afternoons with kids having an ice cream from the corner store and parents enjoying Jack Gray.
We have NEVER seen you at ANY of these events Joe, so let me ask you - are you even part of this community? Yet you feel you can speak on their behalf?

Before you cast judgement on someone that has put their heart and soul into a business, please tell us where your incredible establishment is so we can come and take a look... or are you just sticking to writing faceless, short stories as google reviews which are almost as dramatic as your overused adjectives.

Whilst I am wildly dissapointed you couldn't just reach out and have a conversation with me before leaving this dramatic over the top Tarantino saga, our staff and I are stoked we won't be seeing you at Jack Gray again Joe.

Such a shame.. as our special next week might just be the 'Saunter on up Joe' - a plate of South Coast oysters and a bottle of happiness.  Something your life seems to be missing.